Monkey See, Monkey Do

Lately,
I am that dumb monkey in the parable, unwilling to let go.

You see, like my mother taught me, I have a bowl of M&M's constantly stalked in my room. Until recently I kept the colorful delights in a tall wide mouth mason jar - cute I know. Every time the jar fell below half, my hand could not reach in and pull out a satisfying amount without getting stuck. In the middle of dilemma I had the choice to either loose half of the delicious handful or think skinny and attempt to yank my hand free goodies and all. So I finally got "smart" and just kept refilling the jar so that I could skim the little suckers off the top. However, soon I got tired of doing that, because let's face it I'm lazy. I soon stumbled upon my equally cute dish - that a lovely friend gave to me - with a perfect width for a healthy handful of daily (okay hourly) chocolate.

I have been holding tight to comfort inside a glass jar labeled "summer plans".  With an aching in my heart I knew I could not return to my summer home for a 5th year. so I began to wonder what this summer would hold. December came and went as did my chance to desperately return to the familiar, and still no flashing sign, no golden path, not even a whisper in the wind of what purpose this summer would have. God grew quiet, and so did I. Images of laughing campers, the smiles of a community, the beaten path of a pilgrim, the sights of a new culture cause me to long to return. Friends talked of their plans, new adventures of marriage, leadership roles, and trips. All the while my inner jealousy escalating as I remain faithful to God calling me onward, but to what?


The off chance of a weekend at home was my final attempt to hold on to comfort. I have grown to love the calm moments with my parents at the same time growing more eager to be out on my own. The words "Summer Study Abroad" jump out of my mouth as I recalled a subject line of one email  to my mother. As I waded through the flood of emails only to learn I had to apply in the next three days I began to wonder if my answer was near.

Finally my heart caught the beat of my Father as God said "let go" as I read the word pilgrimage. If I had not let go to the comfort in the jar I could not experience the life of freedom that is only found outside of the glass walls.

While it is not an answer to my whole summer, it is an exciting first step. You think after walking for seven days straight I would have understood that following Jesus is about putting just one foot in front of the other, one at a time, day after day. The cadence of a pilgrimage has become the beat of my heart as it longs to be tuned to God's. It's a humbling walk.

So I return to the path. The worn and ancient way. Pack in tow and laces tied tight, I am eager for the chance to return to the rhythm of footsteps on a dusty path - yet a new path. Letting go of the familiar tasty M&M's, I open up my hands to receive even greater treats my God has planed.

As a part of the Northwestern Summer Study Abroad I will be traveling for two weeks with four other student and a professor to Assisi, Italy and walk the way of Francis of Assisi to Rome where we are blessed to have the opportunity to attend an audience with Pope Francis.